


Two timing bitch.

by Jgk991



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Abuse, Gen, Mind Games, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:00:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27073114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jgk991/pseuds/Jgk991
Summary: The one where Illumi is the bad bitch we all know he has to be able to put up with Hisoka's shit.
Relationships: Hisoka/Illumi Zoldyck
Comments: 5
Kudos: 80





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic, any criticism is appreciated. Will probably have multiple chapters. Oops

Illumi was sitting in his favorite cafe, in his favorite spot, with his preferred weather conditions. Overcast, just warm enough to wear a t-shirt comfortably and just a little breezy. This particular establishment had just ok coffee but the space was spectacular. It was a very industrial, minimalist aesthetic. All the hardware was matte black, which stood in stark contrast to the white washed exposed brick of the building. Besides the plants that decorated the space, the shop’s color ballet was black, white and raw wood. The best part about it was the upstairs patio that was perfect for people watching. He hated to admit it, but he had somewhat of a superiority complex. He loved watching how messy people were and how they often managed to make things worse for themselves. They were often unorganized, self centered, aloof, morons. He could tell which people didn’t grow up with strict parents. Those people in particular seemed to have a harder time collecting themselves and were more propense to embarrassing themselves in public. They were unapologetically themselves. He couldn’t help but simultaneously cringe in disgust and yearn to have that kind of freedom. 

He didn’t envy them for having an easy relationship with their parents. Sometimes, he even saw it as a disadvantage. He can’t say that becoming proficient in the art of subterfuge is worth giving up healthy parental boundaries but, realistically, only one of these has saved his life and it wasn’t the latter. Even in his earliest memories, his relationship with his family had been exclusively transactional. Now that he thinks about it, his relationships in particular were especially quid pro quo.

Before the family heir was born, he remembered having to negotiate for the right to his free time. Feeling like a contestant on “Shark Tank” would be an understatement but he still vividly remembers having a whole pitch constructed detailing what he would offer in exchange for a few hours of freedom. He honestly wouldn’t put it past his parents to have made him go through these psychological hurdles intentionally as part of his training. He never cared to ask. All he cared about was yielding results. At least this was pretty straight forward, if he was well prepared and had a good pitch he would be rewarded with more generous amounts of time, if he was a sloppy mess, he got nothing. His effort directly influenced the result.

His parents weren’t exactly helicopter parents, they were strict to an extreme but he was always encouraged to explore whatever piqued his interest. Unfortunately for him, growing up a sheltered child meant he had no idea what he was missing outside the Zoldyck estate. He still remembers his time in Heaven’s arena fondly. It was the catalyst to who he was today, afterall. He couldn’t help but reminisce about his time there. The cafe and all its patrons subsided as he remembered his time there.

He was a grade school aged child completely unsupervised with full reign to do whatever the fuck he wanted as long as he completed his task of reaching the 200th floor, he had a year to do so. It was both the best and worst experience of his formative years. He got a taste of what true freedom felt like and it also showed him how utterly disgusting people were. He also quickly discovered he didn’t like who he was. He was devoid of any individualism back then. Everything from his haircut to his clothes had been chosen by his parents. He felt lost but at least now he had the means to explore who he was. Initially, it was near impossible for him to let go of his ridiculously high standards and let himself be influenced by his environment. But he was also logical enough to have identified the paradox in his desire to explore yet abhor the idea of engaging with people outside of his family. He found it especially hard to trust other adults. It wasn’t because he felt he was in danger, even if they had nefarious intentions with him, he could easily defend himself from this filth. He couldn’t trust them because he didn’t respect them. They were all such garbage people. Fortunately or unfortunately, for him there was a teen at the arena that was a little too eager to befriend him. 

His father did say to use any means necessary. Why not use the teen? he was a manipulator afterall. His parents had reiterated time and time again that it was crucial he develop his manipulation skills, both in nen and psychologically. He needed to be able to bend people to do as he willed via mind games before he could really master his nen.

Truth be told, Illumi had no idea how to react when he first met Hisoka. He’d never interacted with a teenager. With the exception of Milluki, he only ever spoke to adults. Most adults were forward, no bullshit, straight to the point. Milluki was a little trickier mostly because Mulliki himself did not know what he wanted half the time. But as his baby brother grew, he caught on to their parents’ preferred format of verbal communication. Was Illumi a fool to expect Hisoka to be the same? Yes, yes he was. 

Hisoka: Hey cutie! I’ve never seen you here before, I’m Hisoka. I’d ask if you want to fight but you’d have to make it to the 200th floor first before I break you.

Illumi:.....

Hisoka: What? Aren’t much of a talker? That’s too bad, I was going to give you some pointers on getting to the top so you could fight me. You’re young but I can feel you’re strong.

Illumi was analyzing every word the red headed teen had just blabbered. So far Hisoka had taunted him, threatened him, complimented him, and hit on him? He was definitely intrigued now.

Illumi: Suppose my goal is to make it to the 200th floor, regardless of whether I fight you or not, what information could you possibly offer?

Hisoka: Well, I never said I’d give you anything for free.

Illumi: Naturally.

Hisoka: What about we start with giving me your name, darling?

Illumi: Why would it matter? You can easily find that out once my match starts.

Hisoka: Is everything going to be like pulling teeth with you, dear?

Illumi: Perhaps. You have yet to prove your worth to me.

Hisoka: My worth? Hahahahahahaha. You think just because you’re cute and probably wealthy judging by your clothes, that you get a say in what I’m worth? That’s not how things work here, love. Here nobodies like me from Meteor City can rise to floor masters and I think I’ve proven my worth as the youngest floor master in history, DEAR.

Illumi: Interesting.

Illumi made sure to say that as impassively as humanly possible. His plan to rile Hisoka up was working and wanted to see how much more information he could get out of him without Illumi having to actually give anything in exchange.

Hisoka: That’s all you have to say?

Illumi: Yup.

Hisoka: You’re making me change my mind, I kinda really want to smack the shit out of you right here, right now.

Illumi: Is that so? 

Hisoka: Oh yes, I’m getting hard imagining your beautiful porcelain skin stained with your crimson blood, my lovely.

Illumi: I wouldn’t fight you, I need only evade you.

Hisoka: Don’t think so highly of yourself, dear. Arrogance doesn’t look good on you.

Illumi: That’s ironic.

Hisoka: Oh?

Illumi: You talk about arrogance after you acost me, jump to conclusions about me based on my clothes, throw your floor master title at me, assume you can beat me in a fight and then, the cherry on top, you insult me. Do you want me to fight you for your floor or?

For the first time since this conversation had started, Hisoka was silent. It was just a few seconds of contemplation he needed to digest what Illumi had just answered. Damn! Hisoka really had every right to think highly of himself, he’d done so well for himself in such a short time. No one had challenged him like the dark haired boy had and it wasn’t even a fight. Hisoka caved, he gave into temptation and the widest, cheekiest smile spread across his face. Hisoka couldn’t wait to add this toy to his collection.

Hisoka: Alright, you got me, darling. I’m gonna tell you how I made it to the 200th floor and subsequently Floor master so fast.

Illumi had succeeded, he got what he wanted out of Hisoka. Little did the teen know that Illumi had no intention of fighting him. Illumi knew that the second he made to the 200th floor, his father would beckon him back home. He’d never even had to lay a finger on Hisoka.

Hisoka couldn’t be happier to have found himself a little playmate, whether the dark haired boy realized it or not. He was in Hisoka’s clutches and he had no intentions of letting him go until he grew bored of him.

To Hisoka’s delight Illumi was almost prodigal in strength and nen ability. It was easy to forget he was a literal child. Hisoka had to admit to himself that even if he hadn’t been there to guide Illumi in expediting the process to the top, Illumi would’ve fared just fine on his own. Hisoka was so delighted that he had yet to notice that Illumi never even told him his name. Hisoka only found it out when Illumi’s name was announced for his next match. Zoldyck. Hisoka couldn’t believe his good fortune. He had managed to land himself an assassin as a playmate. Their match would be very gratifying indeed.

As the days progressed and matches were won. Illumi found himself in a troubling situation. He was a creature of habit as his whole life was ruled by schedules, he had managed to create a strict schedule to adhere to. That wasn’t the problem though, the problem was that Hisoka had managed to weasle himself into most of his training. An even bigger problem was that Illumi didn’t mind the teen’s company. Things got at their absolute worst when Illumi realized he actually enjoyed Hisoka’s company. Hisoka was the exact opposite of what Illumi had been brought up to be and Illumi found it intoxicating. He loved Hisoka’s antics. Illumi heard his very own laugh for the first time whilst they were attending a match of one of the last opponents Illumi would have to face. Hisoka was criticizing the adversary’s sloppy footwork. 

Hisoka: He’s almost better off dropping down on the floor and rolling around. He has a better chance crushing his opponent to death that way.

The imagery that came to Illumi’s mind was absolutely preposterous, he couldn’t help but let a chuckle escape him.

Hisoka: My dear Illumi, did you just laugh?!

Illumi: I- I think so.

Hisoka: Oh my god! It’s so cute!

Illumi: Stop! You’re embarrassing me. I’m never doing it again.

Hisoka: You’re so dramatic. I see I’m rubbing off on you, love.

Illumi: I’ve seen what I need to. I’m leaving.

Hisoka: Where are you going? The match isn’t over.

Illumi: Isn’t it? He might have the coordination of a potato but his brute strength is enough to overwhelm and win against his current opponent. 

Hisoka: Well yeah, but watching the desperation on his opponent’s face is worth the stay.

Illumi: Not to me, I see that face frequently on my missions. 

Hisoka: You’re such a stick in the mud.

Illumi: I’m glad you think so. Maybe you’ll start letting me train in peace.

Hisoka: You wound me Illumi, and after I just made you laugh. What would your parents say if they saw you treat your friend this way?

It was then that Illumi realized that his time at Heaven’s Arena needed to come to a quick conclusion. He couldn’t have friends. His parents forbade it. They’d made it blatantly clear that any friends he made would be eliminated immediately to avoid them becoming a liability. He had been so careless, so stupid, he had endagered himself and Hisoka. Anxiety immediately overcame him. He retreated into himself. He needed to get himself out of this situation as quickly as possible. It was time to go home.

Illumi: I don’t have any friends.

Hisoka was livid. How could Illumi discard him like that? So cold and callous. This side of Illumi matched his eyes so could Hisoka really be surprised? He’d really only known Illumi for about 7 months now. He quickly made a mental list of what he knew about Illumi outside of his fighting abilities. He was a slave to his family, dependable, hard working, consistent, loyal, was actually kind of a smartass, and had an insatiable sweet tooth. Hisoka knew enough about Illumi to know he was absolutely enamoured with him. He wondered what would make Illumi tick outside of his family obligations. Hisoka didn’t know the answer to his question. This realization made him even angrier. He wouldn’t let his favorite toy walk away from him like that. They had unfinished business. Hisoka was about to let his rage get the better of him and pick a fight but he calmed himself and reminded himself that Illumi was on the cusp of fully developing his technique. It would be a few years before either of them really mastered their nen but he was so close to being able to fight Illumi at his strongest since he arrived at Heaven’s arena. Hisoka had to be patient and let the fruit ripen, so he let him walk away.

Anticlimactically, that day didn’t come. Illumi reached the 200th floor and disappeared. Hisoka was perpetually dancing on the fine line between madness and brilliance but this tipped him over the edge. He hadn’t cried out of anger in years. He promised himself he’d get his toy back and never let him go. Thus began his obsession with the assassin.

The next few years were a blur to Illumi. His training had intensified as he was being groomed to be the heir of the family. He was too exhausted most days to even ask to pursue extra curricular activities. He had almost entirely forgotten what he’d discovered about himself during his time at Heaven’s arena. He had become the perfect assassin. He lived and died for the Zoldyck family and had no time or desire for anything else.

Life's a bitch and then you die, is what Illumi discovered soon after his 12th birthday. A white haired baby brother was born. Killua was his name and he was destined to be the rightful heir of the Zoldyck business. Illumi’s training stopped. He found himself with a lot more free time and stripped of his greatest purpose. It was all too much to handle. He would never allow himself to throw a tantrum, instead he decided he needed to separate his work/family life from his own desires. But what were his desires? The life that had been pushed on to him had just stripped him of anything he could call his own.

Illumi used the 3 years since Killua’s birth to rediscover his person. He remembered really liking some of the fighters entry music in Heaven’s arena. He figured he could start there. He especially liked metal, the aggressive, angry melody matched the turmoil and angst he felt within. Really though, he liked most music if it was played loud enough for him to feel the sound waves vibrate through his body and numb all the negative thoughts he was beginning to feel towards his family. He learned how to play a few instruments and his improved dexterity also enhanced how well he was able to work with his needles. He really wanted to go to a concert but he had no idea how to ask his parents for permission. He supposed that if they didn’t know he wouldn’t have to ask. His parents were so distracted with Killua neither had noticed Milluki hadn’t left his room in a couple of weeks. Surely, Illumi could escape for a couple of hours to go watch one of his favorite bands perform. 

Illumi started devising his plan. Weekends were usually the busiest for the Zoldycks. If Illumi could request to fulfil the right contracts he’d be able to have a few hours of spare time on Saturday, just long enough to watch most of the concert. He was obsessively refreshing the contract request looking for both optimal location and favorable time frames. At this point his family was only accepting short term contracts so his parents could stay home as much as possible. Illumi thought it was a bit excessive to have both his parents and most of their butler staff stay at the estate to care for Killua. But at least it also meant that it had been a couple of years since he’d been shadowed by the butlers on his missions. So at least he didn’t have to worry about that. 

Finally he found a couple of contracts that worked perfectly. He half ran to Milluki’s room to personally submit his requests and mildly intimidate his younger brother to make sure he was awarded the contracts he wanted. Milluki of course, conceded. 

Illumi was about to leave the estate to go purchase his ticket when his grandfather engaged him.

Zeno: I don’t recall you ever requesting any contract, let alone two. What was so intriguing about these besides time and location?

Illumi: That’s it. It’s not that deep.

Zeno: Hmm. You wouldn’t have a particular reason behind that choice? An individual perhaps?

Illumi: Grandfather, I respectfully hate everyone outside of the family. Who could I possibly want to go meet?

Zeno chuckled lightly.

Zeno: That’s not the answer I was expecting but I was actually going to encourage it. As assassins we have no need for friends but allies can be quite beneficial. You’re also 15 at this point, in a few short years you should start thinking about continuing the family name. Silva became a father at 22. I at 21.

Illumi; I appreciate your advice, grandfather. But really, I have no one outside of the family.

Zeno: If you insist. You may leave now.

Illumi: Thank you.

What an odd conversation. Illumi thought about what his grandpa had just suggested intently. He put himself in auto-pilot and before he knew it he was standing at the booth in front of the venue where the concert would take place. He was next in line when a ghost from his past whispered in his ear.

Hisoka: Usually people don’t go to concerts by themselves. I volunteer to accompany you.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise the story will eventually come full circle. I'm going to Mexico for a few days so I'll try to post Chapter 3 before I leave. As always, any feedback is appreciated.

Every hair on the back of his neck stood up. Had he let his guard down to the point that even someone like Hisoka could sneak up on him. Whether Hisoka was using Zetsu or not, Ilumi was embarrassed that he had made such a rookie mistake. Even more alarming, why was he so pleased to see Hisoka’s voice after all these years?

Illumi: I respectfully decline.

Hisoka: Fine, I’ll allow you to take me to the concert to repay your debt.

Illumi: I disrespectfully decline. I don’t owe you shit.

Illumi stepped up to the attendant and bought his ticket while Hisoka stared at him dumbfounded. He thought about simply running away but he remembered the conversation with his grandfather earlier that day. He supposed he could try being nice. He thanked the attendant upon receiving his ticket and went back to talk to Hisoka.

Hisoka: Did I really mean that little to you that you’ve already forgotten how I helped you reach the 200th floor in record time?

Illumi: My father summoned me back. I didn’t have a choice. It’s nice to you again, though.

Hisoka’s heart melted a little. Illumi was growing up to be quite a handsome young man. He was tall, lean, had gorgeous silky black hair, and his eyes were equally as dark and devoid of emotion as how Hisoka remembered them. Did he really mean what he had just said though?

Hisoka: My dear, Illumi. It has been quite a while. Won’t you join me for a coffee?

Illumi pretended to check his watch. He knew full well he had plenty of time to do as he pleased. The real question, however, was if he was willing to spend that time with Hisoka.

Illumi: I have some free time. You can buy me a hot chocolate.

Hisoka: I’m legal now. I can get you alcohol if you’re interested. 

Illumi: Did you forget I’m an assassin? Alcohol doesn’t do anything for me. Plus, I’m pretty sure it’s illegal to buy alcohol for minors.

Hisoka: Do I look like the type of guy to do anything legally? 

Illumi: I’m shocked.

Hisoka: By what a badass I’ve become?

Illumi: No, that you’re not currently incarcerated or rather institutionalized.

Hisoka: They have to catch me first.

Illumi: True. Why are you here anyway?

Hisoka: I heard one of the mob bosses had recently hired a powerful nen user, I want to fight them.

Illumi: I see you’re emotionally stunted. Good to know.

Hisoka: My, my, I don’t remember you being so bitchy, dear.

Illumi: That’s me. Bitter bitch supreme.

Hioka: Hahahaha! What’s a privileged boy like you got to be bitter about.

Illumi: A lot has changed in the last few years.

The two had reached their destination, it was a themed cafe. This one in particular was all about cats, both plushies and live cats. The waitress greeted them warmly and sat them at a booth. While Illumi glanced over the menu an older calico cat decided to make Illumi’s lap its bed. 

Illumi’s first reaction was to pet the cat much to Hisoka’s surprise. He was 99% sure Illumi would punt the cat across the cafe.

Hisoka: So I see time has done wonders for you physically. But are you still a spoilt brat, though?

Illumi: I’m leaving.

Hisoka: It was a joke, dear…. Really though, how are you?

Illumi thought about how to respond to Hisoka’s question. Should he lie? Should he confide in him and tell him how he really felt. He decided he’d do both.

Illumi: Well, I’m no longer the heir of the Zoldyck business. But after several mental breakdowns, I’ve made my peace.

Hisoka’s eyes widened.

Hisoka: You’re gonna have to start from the beginning, dear. You can’t just drop a bombshell like that without any context.

Illumi told him everything. He didn’t know why he felt so comfortable sharing these feelings of resentment and guilt. He told him about how purposeless he felt and how he had a hard time finding his worth. 

Hisoka: You have every right to be angry, you know. I would argue that your parents are gaslighting you too.

Illumi: How so?

Hisoka: By making you train your baby brother.

Illumi: I could’ve lived without that comment.

Hisoka: Just making an observation, darling.

Illumi sat silently. He hadn’t really seen it that way. He was losing himself in the darkness of his thoughts again.

Hisoka saw the moment when Illumi’s expressionless face drained of color. He didn’t think it was possible for illumi to look even more like a mannequin. He almost regretted having spoken his mind but it was too late. 

Hisoka: Illumi? Do you want to help me find my target?

Illumi: I don’t do anything for free. It’s nothing personal, it’s just business.

Hisoka: How much would it cost?

Illumi: Realistically, you probably wouldn’t be able to afford it. But I can tell you how to submit a bid. 

Hisoka: How poorly do you think floor masters get compensated? I’ve been one for nearly 8 years now.

Illumi: Do you have a phone?

Hisoka: Of course! Are you asking for my number?

Illumi: No, I was going to follow up by asking if you had TOR because you need to be able to use the dark web in order to submit a bid.

Hisoka: So you’re giving me your number but with extra steps? Got it!

Illumi: You’re insufferable.

Hisoka: You know I’m right, my dear.

Two hot chocolates, a strawberry milkshake, and a slice of german chocolate cake later, the pair had submitted a bid. It was a fairly simple contract but they had triple checked that the contract requested Illumi specifically. If it was accepted, it would start next weekend, and it was open ended. Meaning it had the option to extend if need be. Illumi grabbed the calico cat that had nestled itself in his lap and gently placed him on the floor. He was ready to go home. Hisoka decided he too should go back to his residence. He only had a couple more flights to try to catch before the end of the day so saying goodby was easy this time.

About halfway home. Illumi felt his phone vibrate. He panicked at first thinking perhaps he had been gone for longer than he had accounted for. He immediately unlocked his screen to look at his message. It was an unknown number.

H: The contract was accepted. 🥳  
H: And I finally got your number.🙌🏻

I: Don’t make this harder than what it needs to be. The second we find your guy, I’m out.

H: Are you jealous already? You’re still the apple of my eye, Illu 😍

I: Die

H: Can’t wait for you to try to kill me 😘🥰😇  
H: Also, I bought a ticket. I couldn’t let you go to the show by yourself. I heard the way those girls were talking about you. 

I: Tell me I’m in a nightmare.

H: Dreaming of us already? ❤️❤️❤️

Illumi had half a mind to block Hisoka’s phone number immediately. Had he not grown up being tortured, poisoned, beaten, heavily scrutinized and torn down, he would’ve. But this whole thing going on with Hisoka was proving to be more entertaining than anything else. He also deeply appreciated that Hisoka let him vent without any judgement. Illumi would never tell him that though.

Saturday was going swimmingly. Illumi had finished his first contract ahead of schedule and was contemplating changing out of his assassin attire for something more pedestrian. He had brought a simple pair of grey jeans and a black hoodie with the band’s name, Dir en Grey, embroidered into it. He felt excited. This would be his first concert. Even though he was only 15 going on 16, his line of work had taken a lot of firsts from him. Not this one though. He had a direct say in who he got to pop his concert cherry with. 

Hisoka had gotten a room at one of Ilumi’s favorite hotels. They agreed to meet there before the show. Hisoka had just gotten out of the shower when he felt Illumi’s aura in close proximity. Hisoka stuck his head out of the bathroom and glanced at the balcony. He was always in awe at how beautiful Illumi was. This assassin outfit he had on accentuated all the best parts of him. The snug pants, the cropped jacket, the belt made of needles. It looked like it could be couture. It was all too much for Hisoka, he let a moan slip.

Illimi: What are you doing? And why are you naked?

Hisoka: How else would one bathe? 

Illumi: You showering doesn’t explain the sound you just made.

Hisoka: Have you ever seen yourself?

Illumi’s face flushed a marvelous shade of pink. 

Hisoka was fully erect now.

Illumi: I’m leaving

Hisoka: I just need like 10 minutes, tops. Or if you want we could-

Illumi: No, I’ll be back in 15.

Illumi made a swift decision to change in one of the hotel’s bathroom stalls instead of the hotel room. He still had 10 minutes to kill to allow for Hisoka to settle himself. So he decided to go to the rooftop restaurant. His favorite amenity of this hotel. 

He got himself a milkshake and walked to the edge of the patio to overlook the lights of the city. He knew he was pretty much untouchable but being this high up made him feel even more so. It almost made him feel god like. His phone buzzed, killing his vibe. He took his phone out, surely it was Hisoka. Wrong. It was his father.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two posts in one night! Lets go!   
> Also Illumi being OOC for minute.

Illumi’s night was ruined. His father had just instructed him to carry out a last minute contract in the area. It would take a couple of hours but since he finished his first contract early he’d have ample time before he had to report for his last contract of the night. He didn’t even feel like finishing his milkshake. He didn’t have time to wait for the check so he slapped down some cash making sure to leave a nice tip and started towards Hisoka’s room. 

Hisoka: I really expected you to be back in 15 minutes on the dot.

Hisoka could tell something was wrong. Illimi’s aura was normally pretty sinister but this was on a whole other level. 

Illumi: I can’t go to the show anymore. We accepted a last minute contract. I’ll be busy throughout the entirety of the show.

Hisoka: Why don’t I come with you? Surely, two is better than one. Maybe we’ll even finish extra early and we’ll be able to catch the last half of the show.

Illumi: No, you should go. Maybe I’ll meet up with you after.

Hisoka: I don’t even know the band I just wanted to be with you for a while.

Illumi: Why would you do that? 

Hisoka: Why wouldn’t I, dear?

Illumi: You don’t even know me. We hadn’t seen each other in 7 years.

Hisoka: That’s the point of dates isn’t it? To get to know each other? 

Illumi: This wasn’t a date.

Hisoka: You’re right, I made it into one. But you didn’t stop me. You’re usually pretty good about setting your boundaries, darling.

Illumi: It doesn’t matter anyway, I have a job to do.

Hisoka: I’m coming with you.

Illumi: I don’t have time to babysit you so just stay out of the way.

Hisoka: That doesn’t sound like much fun. Where are we going, anyway?

Illumi: The Medical district. There’s a Pharmaceutical conglomerate, Mylan, that wants to boldose over their only other Epinephrine competitor. My job is to leak some not so favorable clinical results about Auvi-Q to the press and eliminate anyone who gets in the way. Once the media pushes out the information to the general public, Auvi-Q will be pulled out of sheer public outrage. 

Hisoka: Sounds boring.

Illumi: It should be easy enough. Most of my time will be focused on getting hard copies of their results. Milluki was already able to access the info stored in their cloud. The idiots chose Amazon’s cloud services, but not all the info is stored with them and it needs to look like an inside job.

Hisoka: Who’s Milluki?

Illumi: My younger brother.

Hisoka: I thought you only had one brother? Killua?

Illumi: Actually, I have 4 brothers. Milluki, just turned 9 about a month ago, Killua 3 almost 4, Alluka 2, and Kalluto 7 months.

Hisoka: Hmm so you’re almost a whole 7 years older than any of your brothers?

Illumi: Yeah, it's kinda weird to think I was an only child for half my life and in a few weeks I’ll be helping raise my 3 baby brothers, starting with Killua.

Hisoka: Your fucked up family dynamic is making me grateful that I grew up without one.

Illumi was about to ask about Hisoka’s childhood. Hisoka had never shared details of his childhood other than being from Meteor City and having joined a circus before catching wind of Heaven’s Arena. Before he could decide how to start coaxing Hisoka about his past he realized they were 5 mins from the Headquarter building and all his focus was centered on the contract he had to fulfil.

Hisoka watched Illumi attentively. He might’ve forgotten to blink during the ordeal or maybe he was shedding tears of joy, either way his eyes were watering. Everything Illumi did was so elegant and efficient. Every one of Illumi’s actions were strategic and executed beautifully. The security there was laughable, Illumi didn’t even bother killing the guards, although Hisoka wished he had. Just as Illumi had said the majority of the time spent there would be downloading a hefty file onto a physical drive. Luckily, for the pair whatever the company had saved on mediocre security they had spent on keeping their tech updated. This meant it would only take a fraction of the time. Still Hisoka was bored, so he figured now was as good a time as any to pester Illumi. It killed Hisoka that Illumi’s face was perpetually emotionless. It was hard to read his body language so it was hard to gauge how honest Ilumi was being with him. He hadn’t forgotten about how as a child Illumi was able to get what he wanted out of Hisoka without offering much in return. This didn’t sit quite right with Hisoka, how much could he really trust the assassin?

Hisoka: Were you hopeful we’d be able to catch some of the show? Is that why you didn’t change out of your normy clothes, dear?

Illumi: I didn’t think I’d have time. Besides, my parents taught me never to hope. That hope is wasted on the hopeless.

Hisoka: Do your parents actually love you?

Illumi: Yes, I wouldn’t have been trained so well if they didn’t.

Hisoka: Do you love them?

Illumi: More than life itself.

Hisoka: What about your brothers? I remember you mentioning something about feeling resentment towards them and feeling guilty about it.

Illumi: In my moments of weakness, I allow myself to feel that way. I’m working on it.

Hisoka: You didn’t answer the question.

Illumi: It was never an option to feel otherwise. 

Hisoka: That’s a weird way of saying yes.

Illumi: This conversation is over.

Hisoka: Have I stuck a chord, darling?

Illumi: No, the download is complete. I have to coordinate a successful drop off with the client.

Hisoka: It’s a shame I won’t get to see the coveted Zoldyck assassin actually kill someone tonight.

Illumi: I don’t kill because I like it. I kill because it's my job too.

Hisoka: Would you kill me?

Illumi: If there was a contract to, I would, yes.

Hisoka: Hmmm, this gives me an idea.

Illumi: I don’t like the sound of that.

Hisoka: Hahahaha and why is that dear?

Illumi: You have a skewed view of reality.

Hisoka: I’m actually very grounded, thank you. You on the other hand, yikes.

Illumi: What’s that supposed to mean?

Hisoka: Really, you don’t know?

Illumi was losing control, he was walking right into Hisoka’s trap. He hadn’t forgotten about Hisoka’s obsession to fight him. He was trying to instigate a fight and Illumi wasn’t going to fall for it. The manipulator was not going to allow himself to be manipulated.

Illumi: I apologize. People in glass houses, right?

That wasn’t the reaction Hisoka was hoping for. At least Illumi was being nice? Maybe not, Illumi being nice might still be a bit of a stretch.

The pair successfully delivered the goods and finally made their way to the venue. Illumi would consider the night a success if he got to watch Dir En Grey perform the last few songs of their set. He’d read online that his favorite song “Obscure” was generally the last song performed. He usually hated having people this close to him. He felt a little claustrophobic but the second he heard Marmalade Chainsaw, he let go. He couldn’t quite say how it happened but he soon found himself jumping with the crowd and head banging to the beat of the drum. When Obscure started playing, it was like he was possessed. He found himself half shouting half singing the lyrics. He turned to look at Hisoka and he flashed him a smile. What in the actual fuck was he doing? Was he having fun? Was this what being happy felt like? He grabbed Hisoka by the hand and twirled him around. 

Hisoka decided to shoot his shot and went in for a kiss. Illumi punched him square in the chest and pushed him deeper into the crowd and walked away. Whilst catching his breath, a cheeky smile spread across his face. He immediately went after the assassin.

Hisoka: Illumi! Wait! I’m sorry I ruined that moment for you.

Illumi stopped and without turning around to look at Hisoka, he spoke.

Illumi: Do you want to go with me to my next contract?

Hisoka: Took you long enough to ask.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Halloween everyone! I have this story half written. I'm gonna try to bang it out and have it complete by the end of the year.

The third job proved to be quite a bit more taxing than either had anticipated. It got to the point where Illumi wanted Hisoka to leave. He was having a hard time keeping an eye on Hisoka and focusing on what he was doing. It was painfully obvious that Hisoka was not a professional assassin. He was messy and was having entirely too much fun making the scene as gory as possible. 

Illumi: Would it kill you to stop the theatrics? 

Hisoka: Seeing how we're literally here to obliterate a whole gang, will it really matter how clean I make my kills?

Illumi: It's not efficient. Literally no one is giving you brownie points for style.

Hisoka: You're acting like you're the one who's personally responsible for cleaning up after me.

Illumi: If you're going to continue being like this, I'll be forced to cancel our contract. Oh, and you'll lose your deposit too.

Hisoka: That's fine. I don't need you or the money.

Illumi: Fine.

Hisoka: Fine.

Illumi: So are you gonna keep standing there or?

Hisoka: You're the meanest person I've ever met.

Illumi: Wouldn't that be more incentive to leave?

Hisoka: I AM leaving.

Illumi: Don't let the door hit you on your way out.

Hisoka: Must you always have the last word, dear?

Illumi: I'm just trying to convey in every way verbally possible that you should leave. Take a hint.

Hisoka: Now I'm not leaving just too spite you.

Illumi: You're acting like a child.

Hisoka: Yup, my favorite game, dear.

Illumi: You want to play games with me?

Hisoka: I've been playing.

Hisoka instantly realized his phrasing could've been better. 

Illumi: Alright, let’s begin.

Illumi started walking towards Hisoka. His slow steady gate was mesmerizing. Hisoka felt like he's been drugged, he was seeing multiples of Illumi now. He wasn't quite sure how to defend against this. Illumi wasn't using his nen, Hisoka had made sure to apply gyo to his eyes from the start of the mission. Right as he was concluding this was a technique unique to assassins. He was kicked hard in the gut. He hit the wall hard but was surprised to feel that he hadn't made contact with a brick wall, instead it was a steel one. He was in the elevator. Illumi was in there too. 

Illumi: Bye.

Illumi jumped through the elevator escape hatch and closed it behind him. He knew Hisoka wouldn’t be able to open it as they’re designed to be locked from the outside. He turned around and sliced a couple of cables from the pulley system and went back on his merry way to complete his mission.

Hisoka had to act fast. He thought he’d just be able to follow Illumi but he quickly realized that wasn’t a viable option. The elevator came to a screeching stop on its own though. Hisoka caught his breath only to let out a hearty laugh. He thought for sure he was going to plummet to his death. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt a rush like that. 

He managed to pry the elevator doors open and luckily for him, the elevator had stopped almost perfectly aligned with the 4th floor. He had a few problems though. For one, he admittedly hadn't been paying attention to what floor he and Illumi were last on. Two, he only half listed, or rather hadn’t listened at all, to the brief Illumi had given him, so he was completely clueless as to what the job had actually entailed aside from just killing a bunch of people. Hisoka made a mental note to start paying attention. 

He had two options at this point, he could go after Illumi but there was a chance Illumi had already finished his mission, which meant he would be long gone. His second option was to take the L. Perhaps, he could make a game of tag out of this. He’d lost this round but that was ok because he’d had fun.

Hisoka decided he'd go back to his hotel. His chest and gut were throbbing. He had a silly thought that maybe this was how love manifested itself but then remembered Illumi had hit him hard enough to leave a couple of nasty bruises when he had punched and kicked him. The fact that Illumi hadn't just ripped out his heart like he'd done to so many people was evidence enough for Hisoka that Illumi actually really wanted him around. 

Hisoka tried texting Illumi a couple of days in a row. It was now Tuesday night and almost a full 72 hours since the pair had had any contact. But Hisoka had an ace up his sleeve. In about 90 minutes it would be Illumi's 16th birthday. Hisoka would be the first to wish him a happy birthday.

H: Happy sweet sixteen, dear Illumi. May all your birthday wishes come true.🎂❤️🥳🎉  
I: Delete this number.  
I: I got a personal phone. Here's the number 281-330-8004

Hisoka couldn't help but grin. He was so pleased Illumi was taking the bait and he was giving him his personal phone number on top of that too. Things couldn’t be going better. 

H: So do you have anything special planned? Like inviting your favorite person to your birthday party. 😘  
I: No parties. If anything today will be more mundane than usual.  
H: Why's that?  
I: I have a full day of appointments.  
H: Not jobs?🙀🙀  
I: No, full physical, including bloodwork. Psych eval, aptitude test, driver's license test, and I believe the last thing on my schedule is a dentist appointment.  
H: Wow, that does sound riveting. 😑🙄  
I: I'd rather be tortured.  
H: Well since you're always telling me how insufferable I am, how about I take you to dinner?🥰  
I: No  
H: How rude.  
I: Not tonight.  
H: When can you?  
I: Tomorrow  
H: Perfect! Where do you want to go? Or do you want me to surprise you?🤔  
I: I'll send you the link. You have to order ahead of time. They open up their website for orders at 5pm sharp. I want two of the Wagyu Katsu and the strawberry matcha sandwich.  
H: What happens if I forget to log on at exactly 5pm to order?  
I: We don't have dinner, duh.  
H: It's a little irritating that you're so demanding.👿  
I: Odd.  
H: What? That your bossy demeanor is getting old?  
I: No, that my “bossy demeanor" would irritate you but not the fact that I beat you at your own game.  
H: Well I can't say I appreciate that you left me to fall to my death.  
H: Also, you most definitely have not won the war, my love.😈😈😈  
I: I knew you'd survive. The elevator safeties had to kick in sooner or later.  
H: So you like me enough to keep me around, is what you’re saying?🥰😍  
I: I guess that's one way to look at it  
H: Is that a compliment? Am I getting close to receiving a love confession?😍🥰😗❤️  
I: I'd rather eat my own hair  
H: Don't! I love your hair. You should let it grow long. It'd be stunning, darling.💖✨

A major pet peeve of Illumi's is people telling him what to do with his appearance. It was one of the first liberties his parents gave him when he returned from Heaven's Arena. However, he didn't mind this suggestion, maybe because it came from Hisoka?

It was a shock when his parent's remembered it was his birthday. The whole family made an effort to get together for breakfast and collectively wish him a splendid birthday. 

It was a bigger shock when his grandfather, Zeno, gifted him a car. It was the type of car the general public would often try to flex in. Zeno confessed he probably spent too much time thinking of the perfect car. He said it needed to be a car that exuded elegance and could immediately be recognized as a status symbol but couldn’t be too flashy because if anything ever went wrong during a mission it’d have a higher probability of getting recognized. 

Illumi felt instant irritation when he saw there were already baby seats in the back row for his brothers. It was a glaring reminder that he'd be expected to help train Killua, his other brothers too but Killua in particular. However, he and his father would also be alternating going on long term missions. Even though Silva was technically the head of the household it was clear that Zeno still had majority say in what the family did. Zeno grew weary of the long missions and wanted the rest of the family to start participating again.

Before he knew it, the day was over. He didn't get a chance to see his parents or his grandfather again. He knew Milluki was getting ready to get dropped off at Heaven's arena. He wasn't particularly close to any of his brothers since Mulliki was trained much differently from how he had been. Mulliki showed to be particularly gifted in the tech field despite his young age so his training was catered to suit his strengths. He was still very much expected to reach the 200th floor in heaven's arena in a year's time or less just like Illumi had. 

For the first time in his entire life, Illumi felt fear for someone else. What if his younger brother couldn't make it in time? Would his parents punish him severely? No, Milluki might not be as physically strong or have his nen abilities as developed as Illumi had during his time there but Millu was sharp as a whip. Still, maybe Hisoka could keep an eye on him?

Speaking of Hisoka, Illumi had been ignoring his texts all day. He finally decided to take a look at what his idiot had sent him.

H: Order complete!🙌🙌  
H: Should we meet somewhere beforehand or do you want to go straight to the restaurant?😇  
H: Illu dear!!!!💖💖💖  
H: Are you okay?🥺  
H: Are you mad at me?🥺😭  
H: Well I guess I'll just have to eat all that food by myself. 😼  
H: I’ll see you Saturday, remember you're supposed to help me find my next opponent. 😝  
I: I haven't had a whole lot of time away from my butlers today. They drove me to all my appointments  
I: I'll pick you up. I have a mission that should end by noon.

Not even a full minute had passed when Hisoka had already answered. Illumi found it endearing how shameless Hisoka was. He was never afraid to speak his mind or do as he pleased.

H: My darling is alive!😍🥰💋  
H: Looks like there's a flight that would land at 11:55. Perfect timing. We're meant to be together 🥰😇  
I: I've got to get up early. I'm going to bed. Give me your flight details and I'll be there.  
H: Rest up my dear Illu. I've got a lot planned for us tomorrow.😈😈  
I: I thought we were just having dinner?  
H: Maybe we are, maybe we aren't. You'll just have to wait and see.😇  
H: Goodnight.

It's a good thing Illumi double checked the details of his contract this morning. The client had requested the kill be especially violen. The target was to be as close to unrecognizable as possible. He didn't judge his clients but he had to wonder why his client, the husband, wanted his wife killed in such a manner. Had she done something so despicable to deserve a death like this? This job felt particularly personal for the husband to strip his late wife of her beauty and identity like that, almost as if he was getting the last say. One last fuck you on top of having her killed.

When he arrived at the airport he immediately spotted Hisoka. He had upgraded his usual ath-leisure ensemble to something quite a bit trendier. A black pair of fitted pants, a pair of Doc Martens, and a soft lavender button down. He looked so normal. Gold accessories and shirt's color made his golden eyes pop. 

Illumi: You look nice.

Hisoka: As do you, darling! I love this car!

Illumi: My grandfather gave it to me for my birthday.

Hisoka: I would've never guessed an old man picked this car out.

Illumi: We'll be dumping it at the Gallery Shopping center here in a minute.

Hisoka: Why?

Illumi: Because it has a tracker and I don't feel like explaining where I was and why. The Gallery has a few of my favorite shops and cafes so when my parents are looking at the data it should be self explanatory. I'm also leaving my business phone in the car. I already set up both call and message forwarding to my personal phone.

Hisoka: Ouch. You're that ashamed of being with me, huh?

Illumi: You're not the problem. I'm not allowed to have friends remember?

Hisoka: You could always say I'm an associate.

Illumi: I could, if I knew that were true.

Hisoka: What are you saying Illu?

Illumi: I'm saying I don't know what to make of us, yet. 

Hisoka: Well, I could help you figure that out really fast.

Hisoka leaned over to give Illumi a kiss on the cheek. Surprisingly, the assassin didn't shove or hit him, he hadn't even flinched at the red head's touch. Hisoka took this as a sign that today was gonna be a good day to lay down some ground work on their relationship. Illumi had opened up to him before. He wanted nothing more than to tear those walls down. He missed how easy their relationship was when they were children. He wanted it to be like that again. As much of a lone wolf as he was, it was nice to think that even he could have someone like Illumi in his corner.

Due to the Zoldycks' status, Illumi's car had a special pass to get into VVIP parking. Parking that deliberately was desolate and devoid of CCTV cameras. Illumi parked his car and immediately found Hisoka's lips. He found himself crawling over the seat into HIsoka's lap. Part of him wanted to rip off his clothes but he was very much enjoying the soft yet passionate kisses they were exchanging. He wanted to kiss him forever, the fact he tasted like bubble gum was a bonus. He could feel Hisoka's hands make their way lower and lower down his back, before he knew it Hisoka was groping his ass. Illumi immediately stopped the make out session they were having. 

Hisoka: Why are we stopping?

Illumi: I'm not comfortable.

Hisoka: We could move to the back seat. 

They both look to the back seat and burst out laughing.

Hisoka: Why does a 16 year old need 3 car seats?

Illumi: To drive around my baby brothers.

Hisoka: So now you're gonna be chauffeur too?

Illumi: Not exactly.

Hisoka: Well that killed the mood didn't it?

Illumi: It's fine, we were fogging up the windows anyway.

Hisoka stopped to draw a smiley face and a heart on the window as they got out. His suspicions earlier were proving to be correct. Today was going to be a good day. It had only been about a half an hour but it had been dreamlike. Had Illumi really just been sitting on his lap moments ago? Had they really just made out in his car for the last few minutes? Had he really heard Illumi laugh with him? It was going to be a great day, indeed.

Unsurprisingly, Illumi was high maintenance in every aspect of his life. Hisoka supposed it came with the territory of growing up a wealthy social elite, something he'd never be able to relate to. He found this only mildly annoying, and Illumi was at least well mannered and polite with the workers even if he was having them go through the wringer. 

At one of the stores Illumi had the poor associate bring out 15 pairs of shoes only to decide he liked the first pair the best. Hisoka wondered if Illumi's aloof personality was real or if he was doing this on purpose to assert dominance. The assassin was a manipulator after all, and needed his ego stroked. Maybe having workers do trivial things for him is how Illumi got his kicks?

After spending a couple of hours shopping around they decided it was probably a good idea to get an Uber closer to where they had dinner plans in uptown. Even for this Illumi picked the nicest option available. 

Illumi: I really hope our driver doesn't try to talk to us.

Hisoka: Me too. I'm actually kinda shy.

Illumi: Please, that's a lie if I've ever heard one.

Hisoka: It's true though. You're the exception.

Illumi: Hmmm. We'll find out on Saturday won't we?

Hisoka: To be honest, I lost interest in finding him. His name was Dalzollene by the way. 

Illumi: Why not cancel the contract?

Hisoka: How else was I supposed to guarantee a weekend with you all to myself?

Illumi: What if I don't want that?

Hisoka: I'd call you a dirty liar.

Illumi smiled. Hisoka reciprocated the smile and reached out to hold Illumi's hand. They held hands all of 2 seconds before the Uber drove up to the curb. Their Uber driver greeted them warmly and informed them they could pick what they wanted to listen to via the app. Illumi started scrolling through his playlist trying to single out which one matched the vibe. Then a thought came to him. He wondered what Hisoka would pick.

Illumi: What do you want to listen to?

Hisoka: I don't really care, I don't listen to music very often.

Illumi: Really? Do you not like it?

Hisoka: I do, there just isn't anything that I've ever heard that really resonated with me.

Illumi: You're obviously listening to the wrong stuff.

Hisoka: That's entirely possible, I've never just sat and listened to music of my own free will.

Illumi: Is there any genre you find yourself partial to at all?

Hisoka: Hmmmm. I don't know, honestly.

Illumi: You're not giving me much to work off of here, Hisoka.

Hisoka: Honestly, love, play whatever you want. Even that screaming band we saw is fine.

Illumi couldn't help but laugh. This solidified that Hisoka was actually being honest and wasn't just trying to pull his chain.

Hisoka: I'd listen to you laugh all day if I could.

Uber driver: I'm sorry, I try to stay quiet on these rides but y'all are just too cute.

Illumi's face turned bright red and he recoiled into himself.

Hisoka: I keep telling him that but he insists we can't even be friends.

Uber driver: Sometimes it be like that, though. Aaaand that's all the input you're getting from me. Pretend I'm not even here.

Just a moment later Prince's "I would die 4 U" started playing. Hisoka had been watching Illumi the entire time and knew it wasn't him that had started playing the song even though the chorus felt extremely pointed.

I would die for you, yeah  
Darling if you want me to  
You, I would die for you.

I'm not your lover  
I'm not your friend  
I am something that you'll never comprehend

Hisoka smiled as he thought what a smooth play that was on the driver's part. Illumi seemed to be enjoying the song selection, he was mouthing the lyrics and even wiggled in his seat a little to assimilate dancing. Honestly, could he be more adorable?

The pair was dropped off at their destination not too long after the song wrapped up.

Illumi: Well, I'm sufficiently embarrassed for the rest of my life. I'm still giving them 5 stars and a tip though.

Hisoka: I'm supposed to be the dramatic one in this relationship.

Illumi: We're not in a relationship.

Hisoka: Marry me, Illumi Zoldyck


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s getting hot in here.

Illumi’s initial reaction was anger. There was so much that was wrong with this proposal. For one, his parents would immediately kill them both. Two, he was only 16, Hisoka not much older at 19. Three, they were barely getting to know each other again after years. Finally, the most disturbing part, he had half a mind to say "fuck it" and get hitched to the mad man in from of him. 

Illumi: I'm gonna have to pass.

Hisoka: But it's not a hard no.

Illumi: It's most definitely a hard no.

Hisoka: Do you enjoy stomping on my heart? I'd rather you just rip it out already.

Illumi rolled his eyes in annoyance. Hisoka laughed and went in to hug his assassin. 

They stood in each other's embrace for a moment. Hisoka felt utter contentment then. He knew the assassin had to reciprocate the feeling. He'd never been so warm and sweet towards Hisoka as he had been today.

Illumi was drowning in inner turmoil. He was falling for Hisoka, hard. He'd already done some major No-No's just to be with him. He'd lied to his parents, gotten a burner phone just to stay in communication with him. He'd let Hisoka keep the contract, albeit he was still getting paid, but cancelling the contract would free him up to do something that compensated the family better. Knowing all this, he still allowed himself to soak up all Hisoka's warmth. Maybe he did want to marry him. Or maybe he was just being a hormonal teenager. Out of all the training he'd received, nothing prepared him for this. The only tool he had against the feelings he felt towards the magician was to keep everything bottled up.

Hisoka broke his hold to kiss Illumi. Illumi accepted the kiss but broke away entirely just a second later and started walking towards the restaurant without saying anything. 

Hisoka reached for Illumi's hand.

Hisoka: You can't keep doing this to me. It's not nice, love.

Illumi: I have no idea what you're talking about. 

Hisoka: Of course, you do. You know full well what you're doing. It's painful to walk with an erection. Isn't it?

Illumi threw Hisoka's hand to the side. He was angry but Hisoka had a point. He desperately needed to adjust himself which is probably why his instincts had him make a beeline toward the restaurant where he knew there were restrooms he could use.

Illumi was fuming thinking about how Hisoka had done nothing but embarrass him all day. He couldn't really blame him though. He had led him on from the get go. He hadn't been able to control himself and initiated the first kiss in the parking garage. It terrified him to think that the magician could really make him lose control with his stupid handsome face and his stupid sculpted body and his disgusting beautiful honey colored eyes that matched his soothing voice. He wanted to consume every inch of him. He would go so far as to skip dinner if that meant he could taste Hisoka's body right then instead.

In the bathroom, they both came out of their respective stalls at the same time. While washing their hands Illumi glared at himself in the mirror. He didn't recognize the person that was staring at him. He had a small smile of contentment and a rosy flush across his cheeks. He hated the version of himself that Hisoka made him become.

Hisoka: Are you ok?

Illumi: Huh?

Hisoka: I was just commenting that I was excited for dinner and you didn't reply.

Illumi: Sorry, I don't know what came over me. I'm really hungry, maybe that's it.

HIsoka: Mmhmm. Sure.

Dinner was delicious. Unfortunately, because everything is pre ordered, anyone that wants more than what was originally ordered is shit out of luck. Fortunately, what they were hungry for was already right in front of them. No preorders necessary. 

It was Illumi that dropped the first hint.

Illumi: You know there's another hotel I fancy just a few blocks away. All their suites have beautiful wet rooms.

Hisoka: I don't think I've heard of those before.

Illumi: Basically, it’s a bathroom made with materials designed to get wet. These wet rooms in particular have a large bathtub inside the shower. I never feel clean enough after a bath, I always take a shower immediately after. It's so gratifying to be able to step out of a hot bath straight unto a hot shower.

Hisoka: It's always the little things in life that make life worthwhile isn't it?

Illumi: I promise, it's great.

Hisoka: I guess we're going to have to go so I can experience this for myself.

Illumi: Right now?

Hisoka: Why not?

Illumi: You'll have to get a room by yourself. I don't want to be seen in the security cameras. Send me your room number and I'll meet you there.

Hisoka: Deal.

Hisoka had barely closed the door behind him when Illumi was already aggressively kissing him. Hisoka started unbuttoning Illumi's pants while the assassin took off his lavender button-down. It didn't take long for the pair to shed their clothes and have it scattered on the floor.

Hisoka: Are you sure you want to do this, love?

Illumi: Yes, are you?

Hisoka: I've been wanting this since I saw you waiting in line to buy your ticket. You're so gorgeous.

Illumi: I could say the exact same about you.

Hisoka: Do you have any preferences?

Illumi: Yes, this.

The Zoldyck rolled Hisoka to his back and lifted his legs in opposite directions to get an unobstructed handful and then mouthful of the magician's cock. Hisoka moaned loudly. Illumi couldn't help but salivate all over the magician. 

Hisoka could feel the liquid travel drown his taint. As much as he was loving the blowjob Illumi was giving him, he wanted to taste Illumi too. 

Hisoka: Baby, come here. Let me kiss you.

Illumi complied. He made his way up to Hisoka's face leaving a trail of kisses. First on the head of his penis, then his hip bone, right above his belly button, the center of his chest, when he found himself at Hisoka's neck he couldn't help but bite him.

Hisoka moaned in pleasure and simultaneously grabbed Illumi's cock to stroke. It was convenient that they were nearly the same height. Hisoka being just a little bit taller. their bodies aligned well.

Illumi was sitting comfortably on Hisoka's pelvis while they made out. It was Hisoka's turn to flip Illumi. He followed the same path Illu took but in reverse, he bit his neck, left a trail of gentle kisses on his way down. Soon Hisoka's mouth was full of Illumi. He was more impatient than his partner though. He used a finger to help the moisture reach the taint and lower still into Illumi's hole. 

Hisoka's cock was throbbing, begging for penetration but Hisoka didn't want to hurt his partner. He wanted to make sure this was equally as pleasurable for both of them. He teased the assassin's hole with a finger for just a second before entering. This sent the assassin. He arched his back and moaned in pure ecstasy. Hisoka took that as his queue to introduce another finger. Hisoka made sure Illumi was ready for his cock before flipping him face down and then wrapping his arm around the assassin to bring him back up on his knees. Hisoka was teasing Illumi's hole with his tip.

Illumi: Hisoka, please. Just do it already. I promise I'll be fine.

Hisoka entered the tight hole. They both were stunned by the white hot pleasure that filled their bodies. When Hisoka regained his composure he slowly started thrusting into his partner. Illumi met his thrusts in perfect sync. The thrusts gradually got faster and deeper. Hisoka moved his dominant hand back to Illumi's cock. Hisoka could feel his climax approaching and he wanted to make sure Illumi got his too. 

Hisoka: Can I come in you?

Illumi: Only if you clean up my mess.

Hisoka chuckled: Deal.

Hisoka ramped it up, he was so close. With a loud grunt of satisfaction Hisoka met his climax but he wasn't done yet. He had to take care of illumi. The assassin moved back on his back as Hisoka went to work. He gagged with how deep he was going but he honestly couldn't get enough of Illumi in him. He wanted all of him to himself. Theassassin clamped his legs down around Hisoka's head. He too would meet his climax soon. Sure enough Hisoka was liking the little droplets that had managed to escape his mouth. He kissed the head of his partner before making his way back up to snuggle.

Illumi tenderly pressed a kiss to Hisoka's forehead.

Illumi: Thank you. This was perfect.

Hisoka: Just like you, darling. See if you marry me, everyday could be like this.

Illumi: No, we'd both be 6 feet underground. Well at least I would. I don't think there'd be much of you to bury.

Hisoka: Why'd you have to kill the mood?

Illumi: I'm just being realistic.

Hisoka: I'm sure your parents would understand. You can't lie to them forever.

Illumi: True, I can't.

Hisoka: You're not even the heir anymore. So why should you still bear so much of the family responsibility?

Illumi: It's an honor to be able to contribute to my family legacy. 

Hisoka: Of course, it is. I'm just saying I don’t understand why you can't do both.

Illumi: I don’t think you could ever understand.

Hisoka: Maybe not. All I know is your family doesn't own you.

Illumi: I owe everything to them. 

Hisoka: You contribute just as much as any of the family members and now you're also being expected to raise children that aren't even yours just because you happen to be the oldest. For a manipulator you sure are brainwashed. 

Illumi got out of bed. He grabbed his clothes and went straight to the bathroom. He turned the shower on and didn't even wait for the water to warm up before he was under the stream of water. 

Hisoka entered the bathroom. Illumi was right, the bathrooms were stunning. The back of the wet room was a black marble in high contrast with the white marble of the rest of the rest of the room. None of that mattered though, Hisoka's stomach dropped the second he realized the state in which Illumi was in.

Hisoka: Illu, I'm so sorry. What can I do?

Illumi: I'm a fucking mess. And I don't know how to fix it.

Hisoka: Marry me. Run away with me.

Illumi: That fixes nothing, Hisoka. I'm such an embarrassment to the Zoldyck name. I don't even deserve it.

Hisoka: You're more deserving than you give yourself credit for love. Your grandpa seems like the most reasonable person of the household. Maybe he can help?

Illumi: Perhaps.

Illumi gave Hisoka the smallest smile. It broke Hisoka's heart to see him like this. He swore to himself he'd find a way to get Illumi out of this situation. It may take years but he would move heaven and earth for his Illu.

Illumi returned to his car by himself. Hisoka had elected to just stay in the hotel in uptown until their contract was fulfilled. Illumi immediately double checked his business phone. He was relieved to see there really hadn't been any missed calls or messages that weren't forwarded to his personal phone. It was surreal to think that so much had happened in just a few hours. He contemplated staying out later but he didn't want to push the envelope not to mention tomorrow was going to be an early day. His father was going to go over what Killua's training roster would look like. They'd discuss what skills would be a co-op and what would be Illumi's sole responsibility to teach him. 

The house was eerily silent. He made it to his room before Silva met him.

Silva: There's been an incident


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one starts off dark y'all. Trigger warnings for mental illness, narcissistic behavior, and implied rape.

As assassins the Zoldyck family has been privy to many disturbing situations. However, everything they’ve encountered could be explained as manifestations of human cruelty. This was something completely different. There was nothing that could’ve prepared them for Nanika. 

He’d never seen his parents so frazzled before. It was a situation they didn’t fully understand and hadn’t figured out how to control yet. Personally, he found it interesting, he wanted to see the extent of Nanika’s power. What were the limits of it’s wish granting? How bad were the ramifications if Nanika’s request weren’t met? Maybe he should be as concerned as his parents but instead he felt excitement thinking of the endless possibilities. 

He saw this as an opportunity to get some of his frustrations out. He had known for a while that one of the butlers had a secret lover. He hadn’t planned on telling his parents but somehow he felt justified in using her as a guinea big for his experiment. He wanted her punished for something he too was doing. Yes, it was cruel but at the end of the day, it was something she had signed up for. She was going to die anyway, the least she could do is serve the family with her last dying breath.

His father was barely responsive to any probing Illumi did in regards to Killua's training. He somehow felt gratification in knowing that even his father got his feathers ruffled every once in a while. With everything going on, Friday came and went in the blink of an eye.

Saturday afternoon he was back in bed with Hisoka. Their hunger for each other was insatiable. They'd meet their climax and in a couple hours, sometimes even with the hour they were ready for another round.

Illumi was sitting on his partner's pelvis bouncing on his cock.

Hisoka: Mmmm, you're so good, babe. You're so good to me. 

Illumi half whispered into Hisoka's ear: Fuck me harder. 

He actually felt guilty about how extreme the results of his experiment concerning Alluka had been and there was something about getting railed by Hisoka that made him feel better about it. It was like he was getting punished and rewarded at the same time. He knew this was a whole new level of fucked up but what could he do? He certainly couldn't go to his family for guidance. The last minute job he’d gotten last week had been a result of another assassin’s failure. It wasn’t that the assassin had failed the mission it was that he was weak and had a psychotic break. The comments his parents had made towards the assassin’s mental breakdown gave Illumi a pretty good idea of what to expect if he ever found himself in the same situation. He was better off dead.

They came again.

Illumi was beginning to feel hollow. He was spiralling now that he finally had time to digest the situation. He’d known the other assassin for years. They were around the same age and were forced to socialize a few times a year at their parents’ events. There are only a handful of professional assassin families in the world but they all had similar rules for their children. They weren’t allowed to have friends but were encouraged to be allies, they settled on being frenemies. Much like himself, Thomas had seemed indestructible. Everyone in their forced frenemy group was damn near perfect as far as Illumi was concerned so what happened? What made Thomas crumble? His twin sister seemed completely unfazed. The more he thought about it the more scared he became, how could one sibling be infallible and the other break? It made no sense, and because it made no sense it meant that Illumi or any of his siblings could end up the same.

He wondered for a second if Alluka’s condition was Karma coming back at the Zoldycks for their apathetic response to Thomas. Or maybe what happened to Thomas was foreshadowing as to what would happen to Illumi if he couldn’t get his shit together and the universe was handing him Alluka as the solution. 

Illumi: I need to get out of here.

Before Hisoka could say anything he had already locked himself in the wetroom. He hopped in the shower and changed into an outfit he'd bought a couple of nights ago but hadn’t had the chance to wear. He was a wreck mentally but at least his exterior looked put together.

Hisoka: My, my don't you look like a whole snack. I could eat you up right now.

Illumi: I'm going out.

hisoka: You're not going to wait for me?

Illumi: The point of me leaving is to be alone for a while.

Hisoka: I feel used, you obviously just want me for my body. I go through all the trouble of hiring you and you just abandon me.

Hisoka tone indicated he wasn’t actually being accusatory, he was just playing around. But he did have a point. He needed to get his mind off of what was going on in the assassin world and Hisoka was the best distraction he had outside of it.

Illumi: My god, fine! I'll wait for you. Just hurry up and get ready.

Hisoka: It turns me on when you boss me around. It kinda got on my nerves at first but I know how you are now.

Hisoka walked up to Illumi and kissed him. Illumi leaned into the kiss. He had no idea what he was going to do about the mess he’d become but for now he was grateful for all the time he was able to spend with Hisoka.

Illumi: Fucking go shower already!

Hisoka: Yes, sir!

These were the last full days Illumi might be able to guarantee he'd be able to dedicate to Hisoka. Starting Monday he and his father would be alternating between training and fulfilling long term jobs. There was a possibility that he'd be gone for months on a single job. Part of him would miss Hisoka but part of him was ecstatic to be alone again. He was comfortable with solitude. He was safe when he was alone and it was the only way he could guarantee Hisoka safety too. He really needed to sit that clown down and explain to him why he might be absent for prolonged periods of time.

Hisoka: Ok, I'm ready. What did you have in mind?

Illumi: We need to talk before we leave.

Hisoka: I'm listening.

Illumi: We may not see each other for a while. In addition to training, I'll also be responsible for taking up long term jobs.

Hisoka: Well how long are these jobs?

Illumi: The longest job the Zoldyck family has ever fulfilled took about two and a half years.

Hisoka: Excuse me?! Two and a half years?!

Illumi: Yes, we had a whole dictatorship to dismantle so it took a while.

Hisoka: Illumi you can't seriously ask me to wait that long to see you again.

Illumi: Why not? Up until recently it had been almost 7 years.

Hisoka: And I looked for you every time I left the arena.

Illumi: You did?

Hisoka: Yup, you're really hard to find. It's interesting how everyone seems to know of you but no one really knows what you look like.

Illumi: Zoldyck pictures are exceedingly rare. They're worth millions.

Hisoka: So what you're saying is, I'm gonna have to keep my current phone forever on account of all the pictures I have of you.

Illumi: You could just destroy the phone. That’s what we do. There’s a reason they’re called burners. 

Hisoka: Nope, keeping it forever.

Illumi: Ughh. So are we leaving or what? 

Hisoka: I kinda want a drink, do you have a fake ID?

Illumi: I have several, which country?

Hisoka: This one is fine. I just want to go to the bar, maybe sneak you into a club, have you ever seen a drag show?

Illumi: Are you referring to the dragster cars? Yes. They're much too short for my liking. Barely enough time to make a clean kill.

Hisoka: No, not dragsters, drag queens! We're definitely going now.

Illumi was pleasantly surprised by how entertaining the whole spectacle was. He was really glad he had cash on him to tip the girls. It was incredible to him how they willingly got into a full beat, wig, stilettos, tucked, padded and still put on killer lip sync performances. Anytime he had to get into drag it was nowhere near that extent and he still hated every second of it. There were a total of 6 Queens that came out. Each unique in their own right. It was an art that Illumi hadn't really experienced until tonight and he was living for it. He was disappointed the show wasn't longer.

Hisoka: You looked like you were having fun.

Illumi: That was spectacular!

Hisoka: I knew you'd appreciate it. I've thought about doing drag.

Illumi: I can't really imagine you wanting to do anything besides fighting.

Hisoka: I'm sure I could still fight in drag.

Illumi: It's definitely doable. But I thought you'd want to put on a show and lip sync too.

Hisoka: Oh, no. I'm more interested in the makeup and costumes. Also, You say fighting in drag is doable like you've done it before?

Illumi: I have.

Hisoka: For a job?

Illumi: Yes, I had to pose as a girl. The first time wasn't so bad. The second time was much worse, the target got super handsy and I wasn't allowed to kill him yet, but then he....

Hisoka: He what?

Illumi: It doesn’t matter, he’s dead now..

Hisoka was starting to put 2 and 2 together. He had a strong inkling that Illumi hadn't lost his virginity by choice. He could feel the anger build up in his chest. He didn't want to ask him about it, it was clear he didn't want to talk about it. He needed a drink to take the edge off. There was a bar on the main floor of the club they were at. The ambience was a little more serene there. 

Illumi: I like this song, it reminds me of you.

Hisoka hadn't been paying attention to what was playing.

Hisoka: What song is this?

Illumi: It's Latch by Disclosure but the vocals are Sam Smith. I love his voice.

Hisoka listened attentively to the lyrics.

I think we're close enough  
Could I lock in your love, baby?  
Now I got you in my space  
I won't let go of you  
Got you shackled in my embrace  
I'm latching on to you

Hisoka instinctively held on to the assassin's hand and started singing along to the chorus. 

Got you shackled in my embrace  
I'm latching on to you  
I'm latching on to you  
I won't let go of you 

Illumi: I think you'd make a great drag queen if you wanted. You’re an entertainer through and though

The two were kissing again, but they eventually made it to the bar. Hisoka ordered a Tom Collins. The drink was so refreshing exactly what he was looking for. Illumi just took a shot of vodka, straight. The pair stayed at the bar for longer than either had anticipated. They had started playing a drinking game. Whoever could name the song that played first was safe from having to take a drink but Illumi also had to name the artist and the album to be considered the winner. So far Hisoka was failing miserably while the Zoldyck only had to take one other shot.

Hisoka was drunk. Illumi was trying to get his partner back to the hotel but Hisoka wanted to continue with the fun. He doesn’t remember how he got there but he found himself on the dance floor, with someone who wasn't even Illumi. He was angry his assassin wasn't there with him. He kept dancing with the stranger out of spite hoping maybe jealousy would motivate Illumi to come get him.

While Hisoka was out making a fool of himself, Illumi stayed at the bar. He was drinking a chocolate shake that the bartender was miraculously able to whip together. Illumi felt a monstrous aura, he looked around to see if he could pinpoint where it was coming from. It was coming from a young man, short dark hair, a little shorter than himself and maybe a year or two older. Even though he had a crazy strong aura. Illumi quickly determined he wasn't a threat. 

The young man came straight to him. Illumi thought maybe he misjudged the man, he was on high alert now.

Young man: You look a little young to be in a place like this.

Illumi: I could say the same about yourself.

Young man: I'm actually 18.

Illumi: Congratulations, would you like a medal?

Young man: Haha no, how about a name?

Illumi: Why would you want that? You'll probably never see me again.

Young man: Usually people who want to be somewhere aren't so heavily guarded.

Illumi side eyed the young man. He couldn’t figure out if he was going to have to kill him or if this guy was just trying to hit on him.

Illumi: What’s it to you? Certainly my being here is inconsequential to you.

Young man: I’m a wanted man. So far I’ve managed to evade your type but you’re the first professional I’ve ever met in person.

Illumi: Was my killing aura obvious?

Young man: Yes, very impressive.

Illumi: Then why didn’t you turn around and leave?

Young man: I guess curiosity got the better of me.

Illumi: Bad move, dude.

Young man: I don’t think this is going so bad.

Illumi: Not yet, but I was sufficiently annoyed before you showed up.

Young man: Annoyed why?

Illumi: This isn't exactly my scene and I’m not getting paid enough to be here.

Young man: To be honest, it isn't really mine either and I’m not getting paid at all.

Illumi: Hmmm, did an idiot bring you here too?

Young man: Yes, that idiot is me. My name is Chrollo, by the way.


End file.
